He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize