I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
