Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
