Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
