he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
