Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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