Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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