I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
