at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
