Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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