He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
