He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
