if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
