Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
