Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This baby is an asshole
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
