One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!