Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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