hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.