Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
