Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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