I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
