just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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