then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
