i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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