I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
