Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
