erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
