ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
