he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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