I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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