Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
