And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
