no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize