I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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