Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
