It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize