I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
