I want her autograph on my taint
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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