And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
