I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She bit a glass in half.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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