Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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