I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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