Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
only you would photoshop your dick
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
