kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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