porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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