In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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