I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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