i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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