were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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