did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
