My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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