I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
