She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
