I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
