And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
