Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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