for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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