they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
