i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
