my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
