she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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