she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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