I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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