i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
