getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
