so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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