i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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