no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No stitches, just platelets and will power
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
