After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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