apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
