But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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