ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
