her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
sarcasm needs its own font
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
