I hate your face
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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