so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
