Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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