dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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